Le Jardin

今天收到這封分享mail，雖然印象中之前曾經也有收過類似的分享mail，但今天還是仔細的把這個簡報看完。看完後覺得，其實這不單只是一位父親對兒子說的話，而應該是全天下的父母想要對自己兒女說的話吧！

文中有一段話；

And when someday I say to you that I do not want to live any more… that I want to die… do not get angry… some day you will understand…
當哪天我告訴你不想再活下去了… 請不要生氣… 總有一天你會了解…

讓我想起媽媽在過世前也曾經跟我說過同樣的話，那時候的我也是半生氣的口吻對媽媽說我不喜歡聽她這麼說。那時候沒有給媽媽安撫、也沒有給媽媽一個擁抱… 這是我到現在一直覺得後悔的事情。

我們東方人，尤其是中國人（絕大多數）真的很＂閉塞＂。愛一個人總是不說出口，也極少以行為來表達，取而代之的是＂打是情、罵是愛＂的模式。

只是，你不說出口，我怎麼會知道你愛我？你如果常打罵我，我怎麼會知道你是愛我的？如果我能夠及時的抱抱媽媽，跟她說我愛她，陪她安穩的走完最後一程，或許後悔就會少一點…

即便說不出口，但一個擁抱也好吧？以行為來表示，這樣我想應該也是可以表達你的心意。

所以趁現在都還來得及的時候，回家好好擁抱父母親、好好擁抱好友們，讓他們知道你是愛他們的，千萬不要讓後悔遺留心中吧！

---

Dear son,
親愛的孩子,

The day that you see me old and I am already not, have patience and try to understand me…
哪天你看到我日漸老去, 身體也漸漸不行, 請耐著性子試著了解我…

If I get dirty when eating… If I cannot dress… have patience. Remember the hours I spent teaching it to you.
如果我吃得髒兮兮, 如果我不會穿衣服, 有耐性一點. 記得我曾花多久時間教你這些事嗎?

If, when I speak to you, I repeat the same things thousand and one times… do not interrupt me… listen to me...
如果,當我一再重覆述說同樣的事情…不要打斷我, 聽我說…

When you were small, I had to read to you thousand and one times the same story until you get to sleep…
你小時候, 我必須一遍又一遍的讀著同樣的故事, 直到你靜靜睡著…

When I do not want to have a shower, neither shames me nor scolds me…
當我不想洗澡, 不要羞辱我也不要責罵我…

Remember when I had to chase you with thousand excuses I invented, in order that you wanted to bath…
你記得小時後我曾編出多少理由,只為了哄你洗澡…

When you see my ignorance on new technologies… give me the necessary time and not look at me with your mocking smile…
當你看到我對新科技的無知,給我一點時間, 不要掛著嘲弄的微笑看著我…

I taught you how to do so many things… to eat well, to dress well… to confront life…
我曾教了你多少事情啊… 如何好好的吃, 好好的穿… 如何面對你的生命…

When at some moment I lose the memory or the thread of our conversation… let me have the necessary time to remember… and if I cannot do it, do not become nervous… as the most important thing is not my conversation but surely to be with you and to have you listening to me…
如果交談中我忽然失憶不知所云, 給我一點時間回想… 如果我還是無能為力, 請不要緊張… 對我而言重要的不是對話, 而是能跟你在一起,和你的傾聽…

If ever I do not want to eat, do not force me. I know well when I need to and when not.
當我不想吃東西時, 不要勉強我. 我清楚知道該什麼時候進食

When my tired legs do not allow me walk... give me your hand… the same way I did when you gave your first steps...
當我的腿不聽使喚… 扶我一把… 如同我曾扶著你踏出你人生的第一步…

And when someday I say to you that I do not want to live any more… that I want to die… do not get angry… some day you will understand…
當哪天我告訴你不想再活下去了… 請不要生氣… 總有一天你會了解…

Try to understand that my age is not lived but survived.
試著了解我已是風燭殘年, 來日可數.

Some day you will discover that, despite my mistakes, I always wanted the best thing for you and that I tried to prepare the way for you…
有一天你會發現, 即使我有許多過錯, 我總是盡我所能要給你最好的…

You must not feel sad, angry or impotent for seeing me near you. You must be next to me, try to understand me and to help me as I did it when you started living.
當我靠近你時不要覺得感傷, 生氣或無奈. 你要緊挨著我, 如同我當初幫著你展開人生一樣的了解我, 幫我…

Help me to walk… help me to end my way with love and patience. I will pay you by a smile and by the immense love I have had always for you.
扶我一把, 用愛跟耐心幫我走完人生… 我將用微笑和我始終不變無邊無際的愛來回報你.

I love you son…
Your father